Saturday, March 8, 2014
Bob was staring sadly into his beer and sighed heavily. “What’s up Bob?” asked the bartender… It’s not like you to be so down in the mouth.” “It’s my five year old son…” Bob replied. “Don’t tell me, he’s in trouble for fighting in school? – my lad’s just the same – forget about it; it happens to boys that age,” said the bartender, sympathetically. “ I only wish it was that,” continued the customer, “ but it’s far worse than that. The little devil has got our gorgeous 18 year old next door neighbor pregnant.” “Get away, that’s impossible,!” gasped the bartender. “It’s not,” said Bob. "The little b****** stuck a pin in all my condoms!!
Tuesday, March 4, 2014
Sunday, March 2, 2014
Saturday, March 1, 2014
I will preface this post by saying I am on the second season of The House of Cards, but I have a conspiracy theory regarding my beloved TT . It all seems to be geting a little X Factor (it hurts to type those words) firstly I had a problem with MD not winning the Senior in 2013 and I laid the blame at Hondas door but not on reflection I think Don King aka Paul Philips may be the evil genius who has orchestrated the ruse,Hutchy and Brooks the great comeback that we wanted so nearly not happening and now all systems go and Micheal not racing for a season come on a Dunlop that won,t race for a season while fit to does not happen and then lands a BMW ride and all that goes with it perfect for the TT and now all seems to be coming together with such exemplary timing. What about Guy ? has the evil genius finished with him and no longer can see him as a potential TT winner he was on every TT poster and was the main attraction and now so quiet,maybe he has lost Guy to the Ulster GP the greatest roadrace in the world,he definatly can win there, Dan Kneen signs to team Burrows racing shows how our Don King can make things happen in full view but its the underbelly I question. hey maybe I need more sleep but there is another scene yet to play out in this ruse I just cannot quite put my finger on it,,,
Friday, February 28, 2014
A man received a text message from his neighbour I am so sorry Bob. I've been riddled with guilt and I have to confess. I have been tapping your wife, day and night when you're not around. In fact, more than you. I'm not getting any at home, but that's no excuse. I can no longer live with the guilt and I hope you will accept my sincerest apology with my promise that it won't happen again. The man, anguished and betrayed, went into his bedroom, grabbed his gun, and without a word, shot his wife and killed her. A few moments later, a second text came in: Damn auto correct. I meant "wifi", not "wife"
Road Directed by Diarmuid Lavery and Michael Hewitt. Narrated by Liam Neeson NORTHERN IRELAND 2014 102 MINS DRAMA OPENING & CLOSING Opening & Closing Two generations of one family. United by success. United by loss. Motorcycle road racing is the most dangerous of all motor sports. A sport in which men compete at speeds of up to 200 miles per hour on closed country roads. Roads that on any other day service cars, buses, tractors. Roads that are lined with trees, telegraph posts and stone walls. It is a sport that has a special place in the life and culture of Northern Ireland. But one that has claimed many lives over the years – and continues to do so to this day. Narrated by Liam Neeson, and produced by Belfast’s DoubleBand Films, this feature documentary tells the extraordinary and dramatic story of two sets of brothers from Northern Ireland who have dominated road racing for over thirty years. Robert and Joey Dunlop. Quiet men from a rural village in Co-Antrim – but racers who risked everything to win. And Robert’s sons, William and Michael. Two of the world’s leading road racers today. Young men determined to continue a family tradition. Featuring stunning action, candid race day scenes and a gripping narrative, ROAD is the story of two generations of one family that have been united by success. And united by loss.
Thursday, February 27, 2014
Wednesday, February 26, 2014
Friday, February 21, 2014
A male patient is lying in bed in the hospital, wearing an oxygen mask over his mouth and nose, still heavily sedated from a difficult four hour, surgical procedure. A young student nurse appears to give him a partial sponge bath. 'Nurse', he mumbles, from behind the mask 'Are my testicles black?' Embarrassed, the young nurse replies 'I don't know, sir. I'm only here to wash your upper body and feet.' He struggles to ask again, 'Nurse, are my testicles black?' Concerned that he may elevate his vitals from worry about his testicles, she overcomes her embarrassment and sheepishly pulls back the covers. She raises his gown, holds his willy in one hand and his testicles in the other, lifting and moving them around. Then, she takes a close look and says, 'There's nothing wrong with them, Sir !!' The man pulls off his oxygen mask, smiles at her and says very slowly, 'Thank you very much. That was wonderful, but listen very, very closely'..... . ' A r e - m y - t e s t - r e s u l t s - b a c k ? '